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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 11, 2011 16:36:11 GMT -5
Hey Melons, I thought it would fun to have a joke thread. Laughs,Giggles & even littles Chuckles set off endorphins which is a Natural way t o feel good and be happy  . I'll start off, this is a mini Ha!Ha!....... A Chicken & an Egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile. The Egg is frowning and looking frustrated. The Egg says to the Chicken, "Guess we answered that question.........................................................................................................{Which Came First The chicken Or The Egg}  |
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 12, 2011 17:21:51 GMT -5
Okay next one: Two Weasels are sitting on a stool in a Bar. One Weasel starts to insult the other one then he shouts, "I slept with your mother!". The entire Bar gets quiet to see, whats gonna happen now. Again the first Weasel shouts, "I slept with your mother!!!". The second Weasel says, "Go Home Dad Your Drunk!!"
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2011 9:08:45 GMT -5
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Post by melonhead1784 on Mar 13, 2011 18:27:38 GMT -5
lol
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 13, 2011 20:49:17 GMT -5
Hey does anyone else have any jokes?  |
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 15, 2011 13:33:22 GMT -5
OKAY, Here's a few things to think about: Why do they call it "Getting Your Dog Fixed", If afterwards it doesn't work anymore? If you try to Fail and Succeed, what did you just do? If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice? If you tell someone they are being Judgmental, aren't you being Judgmental yourself? Why do they call it your "Bottom", When it's really in the Middle of your body? |
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 18, 2011 11:45:40 GMT -5
Electric Train A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen." |
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Post by kibbytap03 on Mar 18, 2011 11:52:47 GMT -5
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Post by melonhead1784 on Mar 18, 2011 16:25:16 GMT -5
lol the train joke was classic. Thanks for the good laughs I definitely need them!
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 20, 2011 13:20:02 GMT -5
He Said She Said
He said.. Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said.. Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
She said.. What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said.. It's not my fault.. I ran out of money.
He said.. Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said.. Well, you succeeded.
He said.. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you
She said.. Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
He said.. Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said.. Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
He said.. Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said.. I would, but you're never there.
He said.. Shall we try a different position tonight?
She said.. That's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 20, 2011 13:41:29 GMT -5
. So cute! And then there's "This Guy", Ewwwww!  . Seriously, Yuck! I hope you enjoy these ;D. Lisa
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 21, 2011 11:06:57 GMT -5
;D Spaghetti A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without." |
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 25, 2011 1:40:27 GMT -5
I Won The Lottery!
A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 27, 2011 14:20:10 GMT -5
Little Red Riding Hood:
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,"
says Little Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again;
this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you get lost? I'm trying to POOP!
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Post by quartermoonmist on Mar 27, 2011 14:36:12 GMT -5
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 7?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
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. I'll start off, this is a mini Ha!Ha!.......
. Seriously, Yuck! 
