bumcakes
The Pusher
I don't like jail, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.
Posts: 179
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Post by bumcakes on Oct 31, 2006 10:25:57 GMT -5
Heres a halloween one i was telling tonya about the other day:
A few years back, in my stoner days...before my mum knew i smoked... It was halloween and i didnt feel much like being sociable. So my family went out (because i have younger brothers) and i stayed home to treat the trick or treaters.
Anyhoons, no one came for a while. So i had a sneaky joint and was watching the lost boys....
All of a sudden, the doorbell goes:
And so i opened the door and there was i think a minature vampire and some sort of minature purple beast and some other wierd looking monsters standing on my door step and they collectively shouted
"Trick or treat!!!!"
For a moment i just looked at them slightly confused...and then i panicked. I realised that i had to give them candy and i had eaten it all...but at that very same time i didnt know what to do....so i went into the kitchen and i got some eggs [to this day i do not know why] I drew smiley faces on them, one with fangs for the vampire...
And i handed them over to the children and i heard one of them say:
"What the FUCK is this?"
Then they threw the eggs at me!!!!
And that, is a true halloween story my melon friends.
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Post by Bogo on Oct 31, 2006 12:36:02 GMT -5
heres a good one that make laugh every time I think about it.
Alright so I have to say this before I start so the story makes sense, ever since I saw napolean dynamite I started doing your mom jokes again, but most the time when I say your mom jokes I make it so it doesn't make any sense and the only real reason its funny (at least to me) is because its so absurd. n e ways
I was at this party like last summer or something and I had already been drinking since like 5pm and then I went to the party. So when they tap the keg its really foamy from beeing in the back of truck and I'm waiting in the crowd to fill up my cup and my friend just ahead comments "this beer is really foamy" and without think I immediately respond "your moms really foamy" at the time just me and him laugh about because I thought no one else heard it. So when I get home with my roommate he tells me that he was behind me and he remembers he was checking out some girl and above all the noise he hears me say your moms really foamy, the girl he was looking at stands up immediately because shes filling up her cup and slaps the dude next to her and says did you hear that, he said your mom is really foamy slowly, my friend describes it as wave, people hear one person say it goes all the way back to the crowd and I guess pretty much everyone starting laughing about it and this is 30 - 40 person crowd. well thats the end, the thing gets me everytime is that I had no idea what was going on in the background and I didn't find out till I got from the party.
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Post by Barbara on Oct 31, 2006 15:10:39 GMT -5
i love these stories Here's another one about my lovely wife. In my family we call these incidents Wendyisms. She used to go to those tanning salon's a few years ago. Once we stopped there before going home. While I waited in the lobby she went in. If you've ever been in those things, sometime they have headphones you can listen to. Anyhoons, i'm sitting in the lobby, waiting for her to come out, the place was packed by the way. All of the sudden, I hear my wife bellowing from the back. "Black Velet and the slow southern style, black velvet and that little boys smile. A new religion to bring you to your knees, black velvet if you please". I'm not sure if those are the words, or who sings it but Wendy sure did. She yelled the whole song. with everybody just cracking up. Wearing the headset, she didn't realize that she was singing that loudly. So when she walks out, everybody gives her a standing ovation. She looks at me and says, "What?" I quickly rushed her out. To this day, we still can't stop laughing when we talk about it. In Paris I saw it quite often (I mean not like everyday, but I've seen it quite some times) that people walk in the streets with their walkman on and singing out loud. I don't know if any of them wasn't aware that they're singing so loud or just felt like singing and didn't care cause Paris is such a big city and people are used to all kind of stuff. When I felt like singing and I was in the streets I did it too, although I tried to avoid singing REALLY loud.
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mjpm
Porcupine
Posts: 778
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Post by mjpm on Nov 1, 2006 23:34:40 GMT -5
I'm not sure if this is a funny store or a you had to be there funny story so sorry if it sucks...
one time when we were in kindergarten me and my two friends, nick and Sabrina got caught with LSD. when the teacher asked to see mem i told him that we got it from the girl who sat across from me (she always carried around paper, big, small white, green and she always picked on us) and that she said it tasted like a rainbow and would make us see blueberries and stuff...well when the three of us were sitting in the class waiting for him to get back we were so scared that he was going to arrest us or something but some how even thought we never talked about it or anything we all said the same thing about the paper girl and why we took it so he just shrugged it off and sent us home
we always laughed that we all came up with the same thing and the fact that he put it in his pocket lol...
anyway sorry if it wasn't funny i am tired so the wording might be bad
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Post by linwoodlarsons on Nov 2, 2006 0:13:55 GMT -5
Your teacher probobly went home, dropped, and started watching cartoons.
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mjpm
Porcupine
Posts: 778
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Post by mjpm on Nov 2, 2006 14:55:22 GMT -5
no, he went to my uncles house, dropped, and started watching cartoons turned out my uncle was his dealer lol from then on we didn't have much of a problem
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Post by Bogo on Nov 26, 2006 3:23:50 GMT -5
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Post by 8807 on Nov 26, 2006 9:01:51 GMT -5
Damn,I started Tripping when I was 10,I thought that was bad.Oh,& I've never really stopped since then,now that is bad,I'm damn near 40 yrs. old!
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Post by *Sonya* on Nov 26, 2006 9:44:45 GMT -5
You don't generally get the sharpest tools in the shed working at Taco Bell...that was funny!
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greg
Holyman
[green]Beauty is in the eye of the Beer-Holder[/green]
Posts: 1,210
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Post by greg on Nov 26, 2006 10:51:07 GMT -5
I had a similar encounter when the new $20 bills were VERY first released. Being that I am in the south it is not uncommon for me to find myself in a checkout line of some back woods, po-dunk, one-stop shop corner store.....The kind where you can get gas....pork fat back......muffler.......or some house slippers all in the same trip. Anyhow, I had got some gas and had grabbed a 6-pack of beer and stood in line waiting for my turn to check out. The wait was quite extended as it seemed that the cashier personally knew everybody that was in line.....I had to hear about how one patron's brother Eugene's growth hasn't festered in a few weeks.....and I had to hear how whenever the next patron's sister's husband has a few beers he slaps his wife around and flirts with the teenager that lives next door. Being a patient man I was not upset by the extended wait time and I just looked forward to making my interaction very brief, efficient and successful. Luckily when it was finally my turn there were 3 or 4 people in line behind me. The cashier rang me up and I handed the only currency that I had on me, which happened to be one of the 'new' $20 bills. This was just after they had come out and I had only seen about 2 or 3 of them at that time. Upon handing her the $20 she handed it right back to me with a smack of her gums and a rolling of her eyes. "Honey...very funny, but we don't take monopoly money." I was a bit taken back and little confused...in my honest opinion I figured cashiers would be the first to see the new currency or at least would be one of the first to know. I handed her the $20 back said "No...this is one of the new $20 bills...its real" For some odd reason I actually thought that saying this would resolve any confusion and the transaction could now be completed in the cadence of quicktime. "Sir...I am going to have to ask you to leave or I'm gonna have to call the Sheriff"...Knowing I hadn't broken any laws you would think I wouldn't be alarmed by this threat, but after witnessing the interactions of all the previous patrons....chances are she knows the sheriff too and one thing I could guarantee...this sheriff doesn't know my long-hair hippy looking ass and would most probably enjoy kicking my ass if given the opportunity. In a desperate attempt to diffuse the situation I spun around and presented the new $20 to the people standing in line behind me. The person directly behind me was quick and said " Don't look at me hun" But thankfully the next lady said..."Oh yeah...thats one of them new 20's"...the cashier said "WHAT?!?!" The patron coming to my rescue said "Yeah ...In fact I am gonna be paying with one of those too"...now out of fear of looking stupid, the cashier then went on to say..."You know...I think I remember reading something in the paper about that...in fact I might have one in my cash drawer"...she pulled the money tray out of her register and then proceeded to go on a hunt for a new $20. LO AND BEHOLD, she pulls out a new $20 bill and I guess in yet another attempt to keep from looking stupid...she then took my $20 back, set it side by side with the new $20 that she had found in her cash drawer and compared them. Compared every little fucking detail as if she knew about the new $20 bills all along...she just thought that MINE was a fake. Now this transaction that I thought would only take 2 minutes (2.5 minutes tops) has now gone over 10 minutes (I actually feel bad for the customers behind me). Finally the cashier accepts my $20 as legal tender but now has a nasty attitude towards me as if I was difficult or as if I somehow purposely ruined her day. I was almost tempted to go back in and get more beer cause I knew the 6 pack that I had just bought wouldn't be enough after going through this ordeal and it was well on its way to getting warm having had to sit on the counter during this whole debacle.
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blindmelon1091
Porcupine
Red light shining on a little unity
Posts: 670
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Post by blindmelon1091 on Nov 26, 2006 12:58:23 GMT -5
no, he went to my uncles house, dropped, and started watching cartoons turned out my uncle was his dealer lol from then on we didn't have much of a problem Rofl! That story is hilarious! Especially the ending.
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Post by charityholyfield on Nov 26, 2006 13:18:54 GMT -5
I loved the Ryan's Steakhouse affair! And, to be quite serious, my husband and I make it a point to eat at Ryan's about once a week. We've had many long conversations about just how damned excellent the service is there! We've even taken the time on a couple of occasions to call over the manager to let him now how pleased we were with the service we had received that day. I don't think we've ever tested them to that extent... ....but it has always been excellent! That's the one in Mt. Vernon, IL by the way. Curious about the location of the extraordinarily "blessed" branch now....
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Post by Bogo on Nov 27, 2006 18:04:53 GMT -5
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Post by linwoodlarsons on Nov 28, 2006 0:45:54 GMT -5
That can't possibly be true!! Wow! If one of my kids brought home a note like that, my head would explode. I would fight tooth and nail for him/her.
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